Sad face into HAPPY!

Sad face into HAPPY!

Disappointment.  Resentment.  Expectations.  What?  Expectations.  They tell us not to have them.  Really?  When someone tells me they are going to do something, I "expect" them to follow through, right?  Is that unreasonable?  Probably not.  It's what I do when or if they don't that is the issue.  This morning.  The man friend and I were going to have a quiet night together.  No work tomorrow so it meant I could relax and truly enjoy the night.  Well I pack this morning and leave for work.  I call on my way and he informs me that he has to take a raincheck.  Really?  Is that how you refer to "change of plans"?  What I learned in the time that followed is a) I react quicker than I can think.  b) anger oozes quickly.  I had time to breath and think.  I contacted him and apologized for the way I responded (no need to post that).  I realized the truth was I was disappointed.  So, that being said I did take a deep breath and walked into work ok.  When a disappointment or rejection or (fill in the blank) leads to a resentment .......... then I have  a problem.  I can shut down really quick.  Protection mode.  How silly.  Protection from him?  No . it's not that simple.  Protection for me from me so that I'm not hounded by feelings of "see, your not good enought", or "I told you he would do this to you".  I could go on and on. 
It's ok.  I made the "amends" to him.  I am going to have a good day.  Even though I found a $120.00 mistake in my checkbook.  Talk about ouch.  Now I hope I don't panic till payday.
Economic insecurity.  I still have it.  I manage my $$ pretty well these days which is huge compared to where I was even a year ago.  I got sick of worrying right after payday.  I mean I pay my bills and live on what I have left.  Sounds easy and it is most weeks.  But a mistake that big is gonna cost me some peace. 
On another note my 6 year old car is finally paid off.  JOY!! JOY!! JOY!!.  I am so thrilled I want to do the happy dance.  I will be able to pay off a few more things even quicker with that extra money.  That makes me happy.  I should be debt free by December or there about.  With the exception of household expenses. 
Wow. 

I made another change to my renewal of my lease.  I have to make up my mind by the end of this month.  I want to renew so I can a) pay off the rest of those lingering bills and b) save enough to pay necessary costs associated w/ moving.  I should know I have moved 4 times in 7 years.  My desire was to buy a house soon.  Well that may not happen soon but staying in an apartment can.  I may renew for 7 months (they allow that without the additonal month to month expense).  That way I can look a little while saving the necessary amount to do what I need too.  THAT excites me.

How will you "spend" your day?  Filled with worry or remorse?  Making bad decisions?  I have lived that way and I will tell you this; the joy I get today as I am responsible for ME makes me happy. 

Sober living, thinking, acting.  I love it!   The sad face has turned happy!